There are four distinct stages of a textual relationship that deserve acknowledgement.
There’s nothing more arousing than the unexpected.
A man approaches you in a bar and says, “You’re beautiful,” after making eyes at you all night. It’s romantic, for sure – even has a pseudo-Hollywood quality to it – but there’s also something extremely predictable about the whole exchange.
Your pocket buzzes in the middle of a meeting at work: You surreptitiously pull out your phone to find a text from your paramour. “Home early… about to take a shower. Join me?” Specific, seductive and totally out-of-the-blue. A text like that is what fans the flames of passion.
And that’s why sexting is a cornerstone of countless relationships.
But let’s be honest: The way you sext your partner of 10 years is a whole lot different than the way you sext a lover of 10 days. In fact, there are four distinct stages of a textual relationship that deserve acknowledgement.
1. The stand-up comedy phase
It’s hard to say why, but the funny bone has long been connected to otherbones. And in the early days of a relationship, sexting is often a race to the perfect punch line. Playfully disarming your lover with comedy is a great way to ease the tension in a text communication, and often presents the shortest distance between a cold call and the end goal.
If you’re in the stand-up comedy phase, you may receive sexts that look a lot like this: “Let’s turn down the lights and get our groove… condoms on.”
2. The “this is a real relationship” phase
Once you get past the initial playfulness of a relationship, you start taking your texts and sexts a little more seriously. In the “this is a real relationship” phase, the jokes often take a back seat to more thoughtful and considerate messages – because let’s be honest: You don’t want to mess things up now. Of course, it doesn’t mean you have to tiptoe around what you want, but you’ll need a more sophisticated approach.
When you’re hearts-deep in the real relationship phase, your sexts will probably go something like this: “Hey baby… I’d love to share a bottle of wine tonight. Bring your corkscrew ;)”
3. The kitchen sink phase
About six-months to one-year into a relationship, the risk of saying something that can ruin everything significantly decreases. With risk off the table, couples take a no holds barred approach to sexting – and boy, does it get dirty. The kitchen sink phase sees the full range of sexual communication: Direct and innuendo, text and pictures, loving and lustful. This is one of the most electric periods of a relationship, but it’s ultra-important to keep your sexts protected from prying eyes, and make sure they reach the intended recipient.
Looking for an example? Get lost, you perv.
4. The cut-to-the-chase phase
Ah, sweet sweet comfort. The most seasoned relationships are punctuated by convenience and a lack of judgment – like sweatpants and staying in to watch Netflix on Friday night. In these comfortable times, the pomp and circumstance that came with courtship goes out the window, and the same goes for texting. Now, make no mistake, sexting still happens, but it’s less formal. Instead, partners will just come right out and say what they mean.
Are you in the cut-to-the-chase phase? Well, when was the time you texted your partner something like “Sex tonight” or simply just an eggplant emoji?
That’s what we thought.